This can not B ...

Well I arrive at my son's house and there are four young men ranging in age from 22-40 with shovels shoveling snow so He can get out of his townhouse loop. The plow comes by and nearly takes out the Fire Hydrant and pushes snow back into the areas that had just been shoveled. They start shuffling cars around to make room for my truck. There is kidding and laughter no cussing or angry remarks. This is great. I am so proud of my son and his friends. Other people I have known would have been cussing and grumpy. My husband would never have cussed about the weather and he was always the first one out in the snow shoveling paths to the barn and around the house, then up on the bobcat clearing not only our driveway but the road and at least one others neighbor's driveway (the widow next door). He was a good man and even I did not appreciate him as much as I should have.

I go in the house to get something to eat but oh no this can not B ... The cupboards are bare. Wait there in the corner is a can of Campbell's potato soup. It is warm and carries me through until the reception at 7:30 PM. The florist hasn't gotten to the church yet so into the shower I go and put on my makeup, with help from one of the friends of a friend of my son's. When you are 60 years old putting on eye makeup becomes a challenge. First off you can't see with out your glasses ... I guess that is all that needs to be said about that. I put on winter clothes not my dress so I won't get it all a mess, we are all going to change at the church. The guests did not have that option and they still came in lovely clothes.

The florist is now at the church and the plow is still a no show so we all climb into to two vehicles and off we go. My son rides with the best man and one of the ushers and then two others ride with me. My nephew who had been at the house helping shovel has gone home to pick up his wife and son who are both part of the wedding (he too has 4 wheel drive).

I arrive after my son I don't know how his friend got him there so fast and they are already shoveling. They somehow got the flowers into the church (setting off the alarm). The pictures tell most of the story. Because I have 4 Wheel drive we decide it is safe to drive through the snow up closer to the church. I have no idea where things are so I take a fairly direct route and the next thing I know I'm apparently jumping a curb and we are all laughing and praying that I don't run into some buried barricade. We unload our dress clothes and shoes and the guys take my truck across the street to the Catholic Church where there the plows have been at work for hours. They too are having a wedding and I guess they have more clout.

It is now 3 PM or so and the wedding is supposed to start at 5:30 PM. The bride is not here yet. 4 PM or there abouts a limo filled with many people pulls up and they make it into the parking lot and up to the front door. I wish I had seen them coming in. The bride in her sweats and boots, followed by all the attending and mother of the bride. Someone with arms bulging with dresses in bags trails behind and sets them down on two tables in the 2 and 3's classroom. The mayhem begins, everybody is very nice however and they start getting dressed.

Well I think I'll let my dog in since he has been barking to come in for 15 minutes. The rest of the story to follow...

This can not B ... my son's wedding day

December 19 2009 Affectionally known as the Blizzard of 09 my son's wedding day. This can not B ... is what ran through my head when I looked out my bedroom window at 6:30 AM. Snow everywhere. Not just a little dusting of snow but about 14 inches of beautiful snow. by 8 AM I am starting the bobcat after helping Jose clean out the barn and close the stall doors on the windward side of the barn, filling water buckets and feeding stunned horses. The snow was relatively easy to move I made one pass up the paved driveway pushing snow off to the sides here and there. Pushed the snow across the street into the evergreens then started down the potholed dirt road. One half mile of 18 inch deep snow the wind is blowing in my face and my hands are getting cold. Ok I pushed one narrow path down the road and across the main road (still not plowed) into a ditch. Turn around and go back pushing the snow off to the side making another path but filling in some of the one I just plowed. Now the wind is really blowing directly into my face. Oh my This can not B ... I have to get out of here so I can help my son and his friends get to the wedding in my 4 wheel drive truck. I get back to my driveway and turn around again and make another path clearing what had spilled back on to the first path. Across the road with the snow (still no plow) and turn around to go back home. My fingers are stinging from the cold as well as my face. I'm getting dizzy and feeling sick to my stomach. 2 hours have gone by and I'm back to the house but I feel so bad I can not get off the bobcat. Jose is still out there shoveling out what I couldn't get with the bobcat and he sees that I'm in trouble. He comes over and helps me off the bob cat and into the house saying Oh No Miss Bonnie Oh No all the time. I get in the house shed my boots by the door and inch my way up to my bedroom and bathroom. I feel like I might faint. I take off all the wet clothes and lay on the bed under the covers but my hands hurt to much to rest and my stomach aches to much to lay there. I get up go to the sink and run cold water over my hands. The water feels warm but my hands still hurt and sting. My feet are good those Columbia Brand boots I bought last year on sale are great. It is now 10:30 AM I am no longer dizzy or woozy but I'm still cold and I want to go back to bed. The phone rings ... MOM can you bring your truck here right away? We need it to get to the church so we can help the florist get into the church. The plows have not showed up to plow the parking lot and we are going to have to carry the flowers into the church by foot.

This can not B ... but it is. I throw all the things I need to wear into a dirty truck (the car is spotless)plus stuff for my granddaughter and myself for that night and next day in case we don't make it home (which we didn't). Oh no, there is 18 inches of snow on the truck. Get the brooms out and brush off the snow and start the truck to warm it up. I need to eat but there is no time. Jose wishes me well and off I go. What normally would take 15 minutes takes 1 hour but I made it. Now this is just the beginning of an amazing day. More tomorrow.

This can not B ... I'm not the right person

Last night I had a divorced women in her 50's over for what I thought was going to be a night of laughs watching a funny movie. Instead it was a tearful night of old wounds coming to the surface for this precious child of God. This can not B ... what I'm supposed to be doing. Giving advise or at least listening and trying to comfort this trembling woman after all I have had the same feelings and broken down more than once the same way she is. What to do?

I can say that at first I tried to do something on my own. That wasn't working, hmm what now ... oh yes why do I always forget to ask for help from the one Jesus said He would send to help us and be our teacher. I took some deep breaths and ask the Holy Spirit to guide me and give me the right words and compassion to help this woman. I don't think I solved any problems or that I even gave her any helpful advise (although I tried). I did let her sob and I tried to hold her and I did let her know that she was valuable and advised her to see her doctor because the drugs he had given her were no longer doing the job. She left saying she felt better but I didn't see it. I said a long prayer (long for me) and I hope that it was received from God and her as a humble request for guidance both for her and for me. I hope that she will have a good Christmas and that we can do some fun things together so she isn't so lonely and sad.

This can not B ... or can it B the role God has for me in my older years. I remember once when I was in my early teens a young girl in my girl scout troop came up to me and told me how I had been such a great comfort to her and how I made her feel special and listened to. I was totally taken by surprise but perhaps by going through the trials I have been through it is now my turn to be the listener and comforter. If I'm good at it and the Holy Spirit Walks along side of me I think I might like this role.

This can not B the Tiger Woods I admired...

What happened Tiger? I wish I could ask him that. I bet he is asking himself that very same question. What have I done and why on earth did I do it ... but that's another blog altogether.

I grew up in upstate NY and the Bills were the football team to root for. We were so proud of the team and especially OJ Simpson. I admired him and thought in my young mind that yes there were men that truly were good, honest and great at there sport. I would rent cars from who ever he said I should rent cars from and watched fondly as he flew over airport seats to get there in line first in their commercials. I can't remember now who else he endorsed but if it was a product I would need or want and he said he thought it was a good product well that was that. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when all that he had done came to light. Crushed I had to switch to the other car rental company (actually I had already done that, because, like OJ they were a disappointment). Now instead of rooting for him I was rooting against him and felt the blow of crushed admiration.

Well I'm forty years older and I am wiser (or so I'm supposed to be) and I watched Tiger Woods win tournament after tournament with hope. I thought his parents had taught him well how to be focused and stay true to his game, both the game of golf and the game of life. I wondered what LUCKY woman (if he wasn't gay) would capture such a good catch. I figured there would be hardships for miss right because of all his time on the road, but certainly it had to be worth it. Good looking, well spoken, gentle and rich all the ingredients of the perfect husband right. NOT ... what about faith in God and an allegiance to God and God's set of values.

He is young and he had to grow up fast. It must be hard being in the spot lite from the time your a young man. It must give you a feeling when you are as successful as he was that he was GOD... NOT TRUE TIGER and all you other successful people. Your success comes from developing the God given talents you have. Why do so many of us not realize that He is our maker and we owe all our success to Him and Him alone. Sure we put in the hours but he gives us the breath to do so. He gives us the health, opportunities, and people in our life that allows us to become the best we can be.

Well what is next for the young man TIGER. We won't have to wonder because his life is an open tabloid now and for ever more. I pray that he will turn to God for guidance and not his publicist. My heart felt sympathy to Mr. Woods because I know it must be hard being so successful. How can you help not being self absorbed. So here I sit thinking THIS CAN NOT B the Tiger Woods I admired ... BUT IT IS :( God Bless his wife and children.

If you don't find a blog here look at Why in the World

Some days I'm more in the mind set of Why in the World and not in the mind set of How can this B and still other days I'm in the mind set of both. The worst days are when I'm not in either. So if you like reading my thoughts about things you can check out both of them.

This can not B Christmas ... Continued

Well I spent the day doing the (almost) last of my Christmas Shopping just two more people to buy for and I'm finished ... Yippee!

Well Christmas past is gone and from now on Christmas is what I make it. I won't be doing things that I think will please others with great expectations of the other people really appreciating what I did, only to find out they could care less or worse still don't even come home. I did make a promise to my granddaughter who is 8 that I would put up the tree and get the lights on it but I would let her decorate it with me. I hope she really wants to do it and that we make a great memory.

I guess this can B Christmas ... Snow this weekend made it feel like it, Christmas songs at church made it feel like it, the house looks like a gingerbread house so that makes it feel like it, the Christmas cards are all addressed (of course today I got one from someone I thought wouldn't send me one this year so I dropped them from my list but I kept a few extra cards out just for that purpose) so that makes it feel like Christmas as well. I guess it is and can B Christmas (as if I had any say in the matter) and actually I'm glad it is.... Oh come let us adore him, Oh come let us adore him, Oh come let us adore him, Christ the Lord. ....

How can this B Christmas

I've celebrated many Christmas's some with wonderful memories and others with awful memories. This Christmas is going to be different yet the same. Two dear people in my life went to be with the Lord in 09 with in 2 weeks of each other. One of them was such a puzzle to me and the other was no puzzle at all. One seemed to be different each Christmas sometimes happy to be around me and others wishing they were somewhere else (or at least that was the feeling I got). One gave me a sense of purpose and the other made me wonder why bother.

So how will this Christmas be? Well it always should have been about Jesus and with one of them it was and the other not so much. I tried to include both in my Churches celebrations and sometimes they both participated and some times neither (because of health reasons). Since my mid 40's Christmas has been all up to me. All the decorating, shopping, and baking so I have felt very lonely at times. So in that respect Christmas is nearly the same. The only big difference is I have help with the decorating this year and that has made it so much more fun (even though it is paid help it is still someone to share the fun with).

I used to decorate my neighbors house every year because she was a widow and older. One year I had an overnight celebration at my house with thirteen girls and we all decorated her house in the snow. It is a fond memory of mine. After that I did most of it by myself, but she appreciated it so much I felt the warmth of the season in my heart. Two years ago I got stuck on her roof for 40 minutes because I couldn't get the ladder to stay still enough to get on it to get down. Luckily it wasn't one of the colder years and she came out to see how I was doing and was horrified to know I had been up there all that time. We got help holding the ladder and finally I was safe on the ground once more. These all are the things that make memories that we never forget. Last year my husband was to ill for me to help her and sadly her children were too busy to do it for her. My house had little done to it as well but we did get the tree up and he watched as I decorated it and was happy to be there. This is a test year for me. Will I keep up the decorating each year or will I cut back little by little each year until there is only a tree and some lights.

Today I'm tired so I am leaving off at this point to be continued tomorrow ...

Hello

Yesterday we had our first snow in the Washington DC area and it was Christmas card beautiful. Large gentle falling flakes that covered the trees and ground.

I asked my self How Can it B that something so lovely in some cases can become so ugly and destructive. My son loves to snowboard and he is pretty good but when he goes to these big mountains I think about those people that get caught in avalanches or hit a tree and die. Case in point Sonny Bono. He wears a helmet or at least he has one and I'm going to get him if he doesn't have one one of those beepers that help rescuers find missing people in avalanches.

A small snow flake that when with many other small snow flakes go from friendly and beautiful to scary and ugly. I've seen some unbelievable snow falls in NY but they were insignificant compared to those in Siberia and other frigid places. They start out lovely but after hours of steady snow fall roads become invisible, trees fall down from the weight and in some cases roofs cave in as well. I guess like with many other things (in fact most all things) a little bit can be lovely and enjoyable but a lot can become monstrous and burdensome.

Think about this today. Do you have things in your life that are enjoyable in small quantities but burdensome when you have more than you need? If so what are you going to do about it? I'm giving lots of things away and trying hard not to get more. It isn't easy because I thought being able to buy things was the key to happiness and I did it for many years to substitute for companionship and love. I know now that they only keep me from having the time to give and receive companionship and love.

Well what are your thoughts? God Bless you and all those you love ... Retired Race Horse

My First Blog ...

Oh my I'm a little nervous.

Today I'm wondering about all those missing children. I cannot imagine being the parent of a child that just disappears. I think it strange that someone could be allowed to grow up thinking that a child is something you can borrow ... or take for good ... for their own use. A child is not a thing to use. What happened to this person that caused them to think they were entitled to such an act of selfishness? I wonder when and how they became desensitised to the rights of others and life its self. Throwing a young girls body in the garbage to be picked up by a garbage truck and dumped miles away in a landfill. WHY?

I read the book the shack and it left me reeling. I'm not recommending it nor am I condemning it. The thoughts that crossed my mind while reading it were staggering, too many to say. I was crying when I read the part about the treatment of the narrator by his father, the abduction of his little girl and the feeling of guilt the little girl's sister suffered from. I know this is fiction but not so far I'm sure from the truth.

It did make me aware of how this man views God. I think what if my child did any of those awful hateful things. I would probably still have love for him/her and pity; but the difference between God and I (there are many as you might guess:)) would be that I would feel guilty and blame myself in someway for not helping this child to understand the sanctity of life and the rights of others. God doesn't feel guilt. He gave us all the right stuff in the beginning to do good and walk in the light, but we (not Him) made the wrong choice. He had nothing whats so ever to do with it. I however, feel strongly that parents, teachers, clergy, and doctors are all part of a persons develpement and can be held responsible in some degree for how each and every one of us developes.

I'm wondering what people think of this and if they have any thoughts on my thoughts.
So have a great day. Until next time God bless you and all those you love ...